Over Thanksgiving break, when I was able to enjoy the boys' constant company for five days in a row, I noticed something . . . my house is full of buts. And I’m not just saying that because the guys in my house love to run around in their underwear. No, I mean my house is full of "buts," one t, not two. The conjunction, not the body part.
What I noticed over Thanksgiving was that every time I said something to the boys, it was met with a but.
But, Mom, he started it.
But, Mom, I'm not tired.
But, Mom, I don’t want the 3-course meal you spent all day cooking; I want a PB&J.
The whole situation reminded me of the episode
of How I Met Your Mother when Ted’s students notice that during her
news show, Robin has a tendency to say, "But, umm." She says it
so much, they create a drinking game around her show, taking a drink every time
she says, “But, umm,” which, sadly for her, turned out to be quite often. I
have to admit, by the end of day three with the boys, I was ready to come up
with a "But, Mom!" game of my very own.
To be honest, the boys were driving me nuts with all of their buts, until I had a disturbing epiphany. What if their use of the word but was learned behavior? Let's face it, I can be just as guilty of using that word as they are.
I need to clean the house, but I think I’ll read a book instead.
I should wake up and work out, but my bed is so warm.
I should cook a healthy dinner, but Chic-fil-a is so much easier.
In essence, I use but to make excuses that allow me to do what I want to do. Nowhere in my life is this more evident than in my reluctance to follow God's will.
I need to get up early and have my quiet time, but I'm too tired.
I should probably invite so-and-so to church, but she might think I'm weird.
I should be more vocal about my faith, but people may judge me
Maybe the boys use but so much because they hear me rely on it every day to stay in my comfort zone.
The good news is, but doesn’t have to be a bad word. A few years ago, a friend shared a powerful way to use it. When she feels anxious, nervous, or totally ill-equipped to do something, she follows her doubt with “But God.” It looks something like this:
I don’t know how this is going to work out, but God does.
I don’t think I can do this, but God can.
I’m too scared to make a change, but God is with me.
Life is full of uncertainty. It’s full of tough decisions, challenging relationships, and leaps of faith. The key is to remember the biggest but of them all:
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. BUT take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33, emphasis added)
As we move from Thanksgiving into Advent, may we remember we don’t have to live in fear. We don't have to make excuses. And we don't have to go it alone. Instead, may we abide in the hope, the peace, the joy, and the love the greatest gift brings.
