One Friday night a few weeks ago, Jackson begged me to sleep in his bed. So I did what every good mom would do . . . waited for him to fall asleep, snuck out of his room to get a good night's sleep in my own bed, and then set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. so I could climb back in his bed before he missed me. Look, I love my son, but in the words of my friend Tim, sleeping with him is like sleeping with a drunk octopus looking for its car keys.
And do you know what my sacrificial devotion to my son got me the next morning? This comment: "Hey, Mommy, do you have a baby in your tummy? Ha, ha, no, you just don't exercise."
Anybody want a free five year old?
As much as that comment stung, when I stopped to think about it, I realized Jackson did kinda have a point. I really had let my running shoes get a little dusty lately.
I think one of the biggest reasons for this is that taking time for the gym often comes with a side of guilt. During the school year, if I go to the gym after school, I feel like I'm neglecting the boys for one more hour. And if I take them with me, then I feel guilty that they're inside watching TV in the kids' room instead of doing something more educational and creative outside.
I know the antidote for my guilt is grace, but grace can be a slippery slope that gets me into some trouble. Sometimes if I give myself the grace to take a day off, that day turns into a week, and then a month, and then before I know it, I'm getting roasted by a five year old.
Balance is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. Everybody is searching for that work-life balance or that home-school balance. A balance between guilt and grace is what I've been striving for this summer, and I'll admit it's been a challenge, especially since I have a tendency to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl.
One thing that helps me find my balance is zeroing in on my why for doing something. If my why for working out is only losing weight, I know I'm doomed because once that scale slows down or stops moving altogether, I want to quit and go home and eat Ruffles potato chips with Dean's sour cream and onion dip for dinner and watch TV all night long.
Over the past few weeks, I've been trying to find better whys for making time for exercise. Here's what I've come up with so far:
My number one why is building relationships. If going to the gym includes friends, it's easy to get there. Walking on the treadmill beside a buddy while catching up on life at the same time is win-win. Having somebody beside me in a boot camp class to encourage me, challenge me, and sing '90s rap with me makes the time fly by. I have to keep reminding myself that getting in shape doesn't happen over night, so having friends cheering me on keeps me motivated.
Another why is feeling like a bad ass (Can I even write that on here?). But seriously, on a day when I run faster than I think I can or I push through more burpees than ever before, I leave the gym feeling like I can take on the world. And now that I've seen Wonder Woman, I pretty much envision myself training with a bunch of Amazons every time I work out. Who wouldn't want to feel that empowered?
Some days, my why is all about taking time for myself. On these days, I'm less Amazonian warrior and more Forrest Gump, just running and running, turning off the questions and demands of the world to clear my head so I come back to my family with more energy and a better attitude. Over the years, I have solved a lot of problems, said a lot of prayers, and written a lot of blog posts while clocking up mile after mile.
My final why is setting a good example for my family. On Father's Day weekend, I took Jackson with me to a class at Burn Boot Camp Columbia. It was awesome to have him there cheering me on and giving me high fives. His energy was contagious, and I was reminded that when I find the right kind of exercise with the right people, it truly can be a lot of fun, something I actually look forward to. I want Jackson and Reeves to know that feeling too, and I hope they can find their own whys for making exercise a part of their lives.
Even with my new list of whys, finding balance doesn't always come naturally to me. Last Saturday, Alex and I went out to dinner, and we decided to split the banana pudding for dessert. Normally, I would have felt guilty for having dessert after an already indulgent meal, but last Saturday was different. I gave myself the grace to enjoy the treat, knowing I had gone to the gym earlier in the day. And you know, once I accepted that grace and stopped beating myself up over the kind of dinner that happens once a month, it was much easier to regain my balance on Sunday.
Eating right all the time and exercising every day isn't easy, and a lot of times, it's not even realistic. I have to remind myself that getting back in shape and taking care of myself isn't an all-or-nothing process. It's a daily give and take, making good decisions when I can, and forgiving myself when I don't. It's focusing on what I gain from healthy living rather than what I lose.
Above all, it's learning to find balance, one day at a time.
